If You Can't Trust Them, Don't Work With Them

Trustworthiness is the first quality that I look for when hiring, partnering with, or working for an individual/company.  Throughout my career, my strongest working relationships have come from listening to my instincts and finding incredible synergies with passionate and trustworthy people. My biggest mistakes can usually be traced to the moment I ignored my #1 rule: if you can't trust them, don't work with them.  

As it turns out, there's a scientific explanation for this thought process.  Harvard psychologist & business school professor, Amy Cuddy, found the first things that people ask themselves when they meet you are:

  1. Can I trust this person?

  2. Can I respect this person?

Cuddy also discovered that people establish trust first before they care about respect (i.e. competence).  This finding grabbed my attention because it seems that in business, the reverse is often true.  Many of our clients have come to us with stories of deals gone bad, terrible hires, and partnerships that ended bitterly although they "knew from the beginning" that it was probably a bad idea.  So my question is, if our instincts tell us to look for trustworthiness first, what makes us proceed with a questionable partnership, hire, etc. anyway?

How did I think this was a good idea?!

I’ve identified three factors that lead business people to override their gut reactions.  These factors seem the most applicable to the situations I've run across, but feel free to share your own with us.

  1. Impressive Resume- Often the person in question has an impressive work history, strong educational background, and noteworthy credentials. Or, they can throw around big numbers and talk a big game about the deals they’ve made or companies they sold. Being impressed by a person's abilities or intellect is frequently confused with trust, especially in professional circles.
    This becomes apparent if you ask a decision-maker to explain why they decided to work with the person. The answer typically begins with a list of their accomplishments. "I really thought this would be a good partnership because Michael is on X board, is the former CEO of Y Corporation, and sold his previous company for $500M. My buddy Andy also golfs with him and said he is really connected and has been a speaker at Z event for the past 10 years." Generally, that's all great stuff - excellent supporting evidence for why you should work with someone...if you also trust them.

  2. External Pressure– A board member, family member, client, or someone else influential whose opinion you trust encourages you to work with the person. The reasons often echo #1 with a list of notable accomplishments. While the opinions of trusted colleagues and peers are helpful to guide our decisions, it’s important not to treat them as a substitute for our own opinions.

  3. Feeling Overwhelmed- Let's be realistic, it happens, especially in the early stages of a business when it seems you have a million things to do. Sometimes, you feel like you just need to find 'somebody' with the right qualifications to help out. When this feeling hits, stress tends to mute your internal perceptions and opens the door to making regrettable decisions. If you start feeling underwater, it's best to make sure you set aside some time - some calm, dedicated time - to assess your options.

The common link between all three scenarios is the prioritization of respect/competence before trust.  Especially in scenarios 1 and 2, the decision-maker ignores their instincts and applies disproportionate weight to the competence factor.  As a result, trust takes a back seat to the glory of the resume.  

Are entrepreneurs more susceptible to ‘the swap’?

I believe that entrepreneurs - especially new ones - are particularly susceptible to this swapping of priorities.  Why? Because entrepreneurs by nature look for opportunities(!), and new entrepreneurs tend to be exceptionally enthusiastic.  When we find someone talented and eager to work with us, we think of all the amazing things we can accomplish together, what that skill set would do for our company, the roadblocks we could demolish - we dream, envision, map it out, and get really pumped!  

Over time, as we develop, win, lose, and learn in business, we tend to become better able to focus on what's truly important, dismiss distractions, and take a more balanced approach as we assess our options.  It's not that the enthusiasm is gone; instead, we learn strategies for telling the eager beaver inside us to 'chill out' for a minute while we think.  

If you are susceptible to any of the scenarios above, this is a reminder to listen to your instincts and remember that trust isn’t something you can teach, train, or buy.  It is a human quality, and one that is essential for your business partners, employers, employees, clients, and consultants to possess.   

What if trust diminishes over time?

Let’s say someone passed your initial 'gut check’ but their lack of trustworthiness becomes apparent over time.  As soon as you get that uneasy feeling, assess the situation.  If you conclude the person is untrustworthy, stop working with them—simple as that.  Distrust among staff or between partners causes businesses to suffer, or at minimum, function beneath their potential.  The sooner you detach, the better off you will be.

Prioritize trust to improve business

Sustainable, healthy business relationships are built on mutual trust.  If each of us hires, fires, partners with, and works with others based on the #1 rule ("if you can't trust them, don't work with them"), we'll collectively weed out shady characters and build happier, healthier businesses.  It seems simple, but it's true.  By restructuring business policies to require trust then competence, our priorities would shift, quality professionals would excel, and our leadership would transform.  That's the power of good choices becoming common practice.